I’m tired
Cant watch my mom struggle anymore, not financially or emotionally. i just want her to be happy. idk. i cant stop crying because of something she told me and now im just so upset….i wish i could take her stress away but in a way i feel like i already do by just being here and letting her tell me the things she does..because after she tells me i feel stressed as hell…and whenever you were here you always made me feel less stressed and i miss that..i miss you being able to run around the block and hug me until i felt happy
K
Honestly, these bitches need to shut the fuck up about you….SERIOUSLY….like c’mon, you assfuck, you two had no secrets because you told me them….Unless I was wrong and you kept shit from me…then well, fuck you at this point…because I think about you almost every fucking day…and what do they do? They move on with their lives…I set myself back. I miss you so much, I can barely talk about you….I cried hysterically to my roommates and my suitemates the night before your birthday because I knew the day that I would face the next morning when I woke up.
I knew looking at that twat faces tumblr would piss me off but I did it anyway to remind myself….I don’t know why I always feel the need to remind myself, but I do and so I did and here I am fucking pissed as fucking hell. She thinks she can go on and publicize how much she misses you? Yeah aight, even I don’t do that…but her and her fucking best friend can go on and write all over their tumblrs and facebooks about how much they miss you and how much they love you…If they really did, they would leave what’s done alone and keep it to themselves like I do…but of course, they have no respect….Something I never expect them to gain. FUCKING CUNTS BRO….HONESTLY I SINCERELY HATE THEM….ugh. they’re disgusting…and the fact that you were so two faced towards us both just gets me more mad…And I know you’re gone and there’s no point in me sitting here holding onto anger but these are questions I will always have…and its those questions that I need answered, so I feel the need to see someone to get those answers, and its THAT exact reason why I feel completely psychotic….ugh. I still miss you. So whatever. I guess I’ll stick with that
I hate you.
I really fucking miss you. I miss your laugh and your smile..I miss the way you would run after me and hold my books…I miss seeing you in the hallways and playing around with you…I miss everything…I’m always choking back tears here, I never know where to run to so I just let a tear or two drop until I suck it up. But babe, I don’t know how to let it go. I can’t, I’m still sad over you. I want you back here. I know you can’t come home, I stopped wondering and waiting, but a silent hello would be nice…I feel like I’ve gotten one the past few days because there were these two guys that smelled EXACTLY like you and your house…I’m like YOU’RE WHITE WHY DO YOU SMELL LIKE YOU LIVE IN A BROWN HOUSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE and I felt weird immediately. ugh, i love you, rest in peace baby
Almost 5 Months,
And I’m still having these nightmares that feel so real I wake up in a nervous sweat, hoping I’ll get an IM from you sent to my phone telling me how drunk you are, or how bored and alone you are, or how Rocky shit on the carpet again and your dad made you clean it. I know it’s horrible for me to say, but I would much rather have you here with me, put through hell again at home than somewhere far away drifting in that place called “Heaven.”
I’ve felt you maybe once in my sleep…i wish i could talk to you, like gramma said she spoke with poppop…that kind of dream. where its really you, but your spirit and when i wake up, i feel relieved because i know i’ve been giving some time with you. i guess the need for these dreams comes from the realization that i miss you more than i care to admit, truth is, i just want the sadness to go away. im happy being happy, with other people. so let me have my life back please.
im still waiting for the dream
Where you tell me its okay to let you go..
Not gunna lie
he’s made my world a lot brighter just by saying hello each day.
i feel luckier and luckier each day to be a part of his life and even though there are still moments that pass where i sit and hold myself back, i remember he’s a different person and he doesn’t deserve the mistrust just because of my past.
i adore this guy. he is honestly the perfect person for me and it’s been pointed out to me by more than one person. i love going to sleep in his arms, i love waking up noticing we barely moved at all throughout the night, i love feeling his lips on my cheek before i’ve even opened my eyes, i love sharing a bed with him. he has managed to take a mangled heart and a tired mind and refreshed everything.
i respect him for taking on the challenge and understanding my situation. it takes a very patient person to do that. i personally don’t even think i could deal with that but he decided to and thinking about that melts my heart.
i haven’t really seen him so far this week and it’s aggravating, i miss my booppp. but i’ll be seeing him, yeay! <3
“& You can’t fly with me because my heart is with somebody else.”
I know you’re somewhere looking down at me smiling, saying “I told you so, I told you that you would find someone else.” Well, I found him and he is by far the most amazing person I have had the privilege of meeting.
I feel like I should thank you for more than just leading me to him, I feel like because I loved you and had so much respect for you I didn’t pursue anything with him when I could have. Even though he would text me I still stayed loyal to you because I knew if I were to talk with him something would happen and feelings would take over me. If I didn’t wait to talk to him I may not have him lying down next to me right now.
You will always be my boombamboom, you and I both know that. Which is why I know you’re happy for me right now because my boombamboom always wanted me happy, he always wanted to see a smile on my face and that’s the guy I choose to remember you as.
I wish I could just thank you over and over again because I honestly feel blessed to be around him. He fills me up with some kind of energy and I can never quite describe how he makes me feel. Smiles don’t even do it. Whenever Amber asks about him I literally dance around in the hallway making retarted laughing noises. ahaha, I’m always laughing with him. He doesn’t even have to be looking at me or talking to me and I’ll just sit there and laugh. It’s kind of weird but whatever, I don’t care. I became so comfortable around him in such a short period of time. We’ve been talking for almost four months now and I feel like we’ve been in a relationship for ever. He’s that great to me. I love the way he just translates songs for me in the car, he has this smile that makes me melt inside. I’ll never forget…we were in the car on our way from driving me home and he started translating Todo Cambio and I fell in love right then and there. I wanted to just stop the car and kiss him. Or the time we got out from Source Code and we were sitting in his crappy rental car and we just kept looking at each other laughing, at what? who the hell knows…it was just so cute because he would look at me smile and then I would smile and then he would giggle and then I would smile bigger because his giggle is so cute and @^!@)@#!(. It was just great.
He’s great. great. great, great. He’s sick right now and he’s sitting up with me in my grandma’s basement helping me concentrate on me research paper…that’s due tomorrow. It’s these little things that he does, that’s what I appreciate because I have never had anyone understand and appreciate the little things like I do. It’s like I’m getting what I’m trying to give him. My feelings for him are developing so fast and I’m not going to control them, I love how it feels to fall in love head first and not care whether there’s cement or cushion at the bottom.
“How can I move on if im still in love with you.”
I miss you.
